File this one under the “BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR” category. I’ve been back on my diet for a week, with a seven day break before that, and today Coach tells me to go to maintenance for three days, wait two days, then take pictures on Saturday morning. This must be a test run to see how my body responds to carb-loading. But still, it’s annoying. Unexpectedly stressful to keep going on and off the diet. When the nerves flare up, I want to suffer a bit to feel like I’m making progress with the extreme fat-loss that needs to happen to be stage-ready. It’s a psychological thing. This prep is so different than my last two. Trust the process? Trust the coach.
Hahahaha! OK. If I must eat, I will eat.
About that – I am sad to report that ice cream is out now. I eat mostly whole foods anyway, so this won’t be an overhaul. Just pulling out things that have ingredient labels. Peace-of-mind, mostly.
Sent my registration. This is happening.
Found my posing suits in the closet. My black suit will still work for prejudging. The fancy night show suit doesn’t fit well and I didn’t like how the color looked on stage in 2013. Decided to order a new one from the same place, Saleyla, because they make great suits and turn them around fast. I liked this simple style with a little bling, but I changed the fabric to be turquoise velvet.
About teaching…school ended last week. Graduation is tomorrow. The end of a school year is always a bit nuts – especially if you work with seniors. Many ’emergencies’. But they really need to be given a chance to earn that graduation, in my opinion. I never want to see someone handed a diploma they didn’t earn, but I also understand how important it is to give that second, third, fourth chance to earn it. NOT graduating is a severe, life-changing consequence. So last week was all about trying to save as many as possible. Most stepped up and earned it. Can’t wait to watch them walk across the stage tomorrow! I am grateful to have landed at this school. Took the long way to get here, but it’s a good fit. Looking forward to next year – which starts in August.
In other news… I can’t share details, but it did impact me negatively, so it is that impact that I want to document in my blog. Much stress was felt over the last couple months about this issue. It’s not what or why that’s important. It’s another chapter in my never-ending journey outside my comfort-zone. I never wrote about this. I wanted to, but I didn’t know what I wanted to say or even if it was appropriate for me to share my experience here. I felt stifled. Moved past it. I thought I had dealt with this issue and found an ethical compromise I could live with. However, last week, there was a new development and I felt it was important for me to speak up to the group to share my discomfort about the issue. Wasn’t sure how that would be received. For a few hours, I thought I might get kicked off my bodybuilding team – which is a possibility. Sometimes, coaches fire clients. I didn’t think it would happen, but it took a fair amount of courage and trust for me to say what I needed to say. Some things are bigger and more important to me than my own needs. My coach reached out to me personally. The other coaches were open to a dialogue with me and were sincere, understanding, and willing to revisit some decisions. You don’t see that happening very often. Most of the time, people get defensive, dig in, and hold their ground. I’m sure that was their initial response privately, so to move away from that was unexpected and impressive. The situation is resolved now, I guess. Or at least it’s been discussed and air has been cleared.
One of the reasons this one issue blew up into something uncomfortable for me is an unshakable feeling that I have little in common with most people on my team, other than things related to bodybuilding itself. I’ve only met a few of these people in person, so it’s hard to feel like I really know any of them. The demographic is mostly 2o,30-something males with athletic backgrounds. And then there is me: a 50-something female who is new to anything athletic. Heck, I don’t even follow professional sports! I workout by myself. I love to lift, but I don’t enjoy discussing the nuances of it. (I can talk about teaching ALL. DAY. LONG.) I understand intellectually that I’m on a team, but physically, I’m alone. I only interact with my coach regularly. For the last year, whenever I reached out and posted on our team page, very few interacted with me. That’s to be expected, I guess, but it still makes it hard for me to connect. Or to want to keep trying. The issue that prompted the drama is behind me, but because I rocked the boat, I won’t know if it is something the others will understand and forgive as the coaches have done. I hope some of that mutual discomfort will dissipate after my show since I will meet many of my teammates on that day. When I’m on stage, if my results are evident, others like me will want to work with these coaches, I hope. It would be wonderful if more women my age became part of this group so I won’t feel quite so isolated. Yes, that would be awesome. Logical, too. These coaches put health, balance, and life ahead of everything. Their philosophy fits perfectly with the needs of middle-aged athletes with adult responsibilities and lives to manage. And the results are impressive. I plan to work with Berto and 3DMJ for as long as I continue in bodybuilding.
Sorry for the testimonial, but it’s true. It’s why I’m willing to power through some stuff to make this work for me.