It’s time we all let her go – old Tammy. She melted. She evaporated. She was abducted by aliens and transformed. Doesn’t matter how – she’s gone.
I am not her anymore. Here’s a secret – I never did recognize the woman in this picture. When I slept and dreamt of myself, I looked more like how I look now. I could run and fight aliens and save children – yeah I used to have those kinds of dreams all the time. (I don’t anymore – sounds like something to reflect on and write about later. )
Just in case anyone is wondering if I have any eating issues related to my current weight loss, rest assured, I don’t. I probably eat more than most. I just eat differently. I had 4 oz of chicken in bed last night right before falling asleep – a big “no, no” in the traditional diet world. Most days I eat 5 full meals and have a couple of snacks. My total intake each day is around 2000 calories.
When I talk about my personal weight loss now, I’m talking about contest prep. I intend to start gaining weight (mostly muscle and some fat) when my off season starts. (Not sure yet when that is going to happen. I might do a second show in November.)
The picture of Old Tammy serves one purpose – to prove its possible to accomplish a dream. You may still see it online. I know people like me to show it and I do. It’s kind of fun to see how shocked they are, but lately, it’s felt different – like I’m showing a picture of a relative. Hoping it will be on a book jacket someday.
She is my past, not my present, and certainly not my future. Bodybuilding has its own set of funky body-image issues. Inner fat chick isn’t making as much noise as you might think. Outer bodybuilder has some issues, but most of the bodybuilders I talk to struggle with similar stuff.
Like my posing song says…
it’s not about what you’ve done
it’s about what you doing
it’s all about where you going
no matter where you’ve been
I chose this song for these specific words. I really don’t look back at what I’ve done other than to help others know its possible. I’m looking forward. I have plans.