In God’s Time

  • Week 153 on program.
  • 13 weeks out from show.
  • 3 weeks to weight goal of 128 pounds.
  • Current weight = 146.8 pounds.  (Uh oh.)

I am not making progress fast enough with the weight loss.  To hit that goal, I need to lose 6 pounds a week for the next three weeks.  Oh, that’s not going to happen.  Even when I was 200 pounds, 44 % body fat, I couldn’t lose 6 pounds a week.  And I wouldn’t want to.  That’s not a healthy weight loss.

The Bodybugg system is wonderful for logging and tracking calories.  I know it’s not 100% accurate, but it’s close.  I’ve been using it for almost 3 years, so it’s calibrated to me.

Over the last 70 days of my prep, I’ve burned 33,460 calories more than I’ve eaten.  The best case scenario is that my body used fat to make up that deficit, so I would have lost 9.56 pounds of fat.  Whether fat or muscle, the weight loss should have been closer to 9 pounds.  My real weight loss has only been 4.2 pounds.  The difference is 5 pounds and change.

Don’t get excited about “muscle gain” vs. “fat loss” here.  No mater what you might hear in supplement advertisements or what some trainers tell their clients to keep them motivated, women cannot gain more than a pound of muscle in a month naturally (ie without steroids) when they are TRYING to gain muscle by lifting heavy and eating more calories than they burn, which is certainly not what I’ve been doing.  (If you don’t believe me, do your own research. It’s all out there to be discovered.)  It is fantasy to think I’ve gained 5 pounds of muscle in two months.  (I don’t even think I could gain 5 pounds of muscle in two months on steroids!)  It took me a YEAR to gain 10 pounds of muscle – and that’s when I was eating over my burn and was fairly new to the game.  Newbies always have big gains in the beginning, but still not much more than a pound a month.

My deficit average has been about 500 calories a day.  To do what I was supposed to do to hit my goal weight by the end of June, I should have had a 1000 calorie deficit each day.  I chose not to go that high because I can’t afford to lose muscle this far out.  (I’ve had a couple of 900 deficit days because of the day being busy and food not handy.  For me, those big deficit days triggered muscle-eating-acid-like cortisol.)  On paper, my food plan should have gotten me about 9 pounds down by now, which would have been off track for the goal, but probably still OK to make the show with a stricter diet later.  Instead, I’ve only lost four pounds.  Basically, that’s maintenance.  So it would seem that I’ve been dieting and doing cardio twice a day for 70 days to maintain.  Awesome.

This week, I dropped the carbs a little (80-120 grams per day) and had no weight change.  I had a head cold.  I was moody and crying for the last two days.  I think I’m going to keep them around 120 grams this week and see what happens. (Most of the 4 pounds of loss happened when carbs were around 120-130 grams.)

I really don’t know what’s happening.  If someone else told me these results, I’d assume they were cheating with the food logs.  You don’t have to believe me, but I don’t cheat.  If you want a reference, talk to my Bodybugg Coach Kim.  She knows.  I’m too anal to cheat.  I like the numbers too much.  I got addicted to seeing the results and how the results correlated to the calorie deficits.

I have made an appointment to have a hydrostatic body fat analysis done up at the university in a couple of weeks. That test is supposed to be the most accurate body composition measurement tool short of an autopsy.

This is what that test looks like…

If the results of the test tell me what I think they are going to tell me, a big decision will need to be made.  Do I continue to lose body fat gradually and postpone competing until I’m within a certain range where a 7-8 week prep that won’t screw up my metabolism will get me to where I need to be for the stage?     Or do I diet hard for 11 weeks just to lean out, crank up the cortisol, probably lose a lot of muscle,screw up my metabolism, but make the Aug 25th date?  Is there a third option?  I don’t know.

This is really, really, really hard for me.  I’m an reforming introvert, afraid of new situations, and I’ve dealt with that for the last twenty-two years by identifying fears that make me feel insecure, set a BIG goal around it, and then get ‘er done (use your Larry the Cable Guy voice). I’m reflecting all the time about whether I’m smart enough to do this alone, whether this is really how my body is working, or am I in denial about how my fear of competing could be subconsciously sabotaging my progress.  (Maybe not subconscious if I’m self-checking on that, huh?)  And all of that mental processing creates stress, which is not good, so I try to put a lid on it as soon as I catch myself doing it.

During cardio yesterday, this phrase popped into my head…

“In God’s time.”

I thought of our garden.  I love, love, LOVE garden cucumbers.  I planted those seeds weeks ago and have watched the ground ever since.  We’ve watered the garden.  We’ve made sure it was covered when frost was possible and uncovered when the sun was up.  Weeds need to be pulled.  No matter how I tended that garden, the seedlings came up in their own time.  Nature’s time.  In God’s time.

That’s how I want to approach this phase of my transformation.  I will “tend the garden”.  I will do what I’m supposed to do.  I will eat what I’m supposed to eat.  I will have good days and bad days, but I will be consistent.  It will happen.  But apparently, it’s not going to happen according to a clock or a calendar date that I set.  I don’t need motivation, determination, or will power.  I need to be patient.  It will happen.  I’ve been taught this lesson so often – when I try to control things, they fall apart.  When I relax, follow the path, and let Him handle the details, it works.  It will happen in God’s time, not my time.

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2 Comments

Filed under Bodybuilding Journal, Faith, Nutrition, Videos

2 responses to “In God’s Time

  1. Hang in there Tammy. I could not agree more.

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  2. If I didn’t love it, I wouldn’t be doing it. I think everyone who does this bodybuilding thing worries to a certain extent. Show or no show, I know what I want this sculpture (my body) to look like. What I haven’t mentioned before is that I also had a July show picked out just in case I was ready sooner. And there is a possibility of a financial situation popping up this summer that will scrap everything. Need stay flexible and be patient.

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