I have a big goal for 2012 and I accomplished a lot in 2011 to prepare for that goal. But it was a tough year and I’m happy to be done with it.
The economy in our state has been rough for small business owners like my husband. We had a couple rough patches when we almost lost each other from the stress. Didn’t happen and I’m very grateful. I love him very much. When everything else falls away, there is always that love that holds us. We are both working very hard to stay ahead of things. And Paul has been amazingly supportive of my training. I cannot express how much that means to me.
The third quarter of 2011 was awful. My training progress was stalled for several months because of my loyalty to a person who was capricious and cowardly. I knew nothing about bodybuilding when I started. We worked together for almost a year, two to five times a week. I faced my fears and let myself be vulnerable, and then trusting, so I could learn. I never missed a workout – twice a day. Never missed a training appointment. I worked through the horrible shoulder pain. I did the nutritional research and food prep every week. I know I’m the one who did the work. I’m the one who made the investment both financially and with my commitment. Any trainer would have been proud and grateful to have a client who worked that hard. Because of that, I deserved a conversation – an explanation about why things went down the way they did at the end. But no. That would be ‘uncomfortable’. Avoiding that conversation was disrespectful, but it got worse. Weeks of talking about me with others (who told me about it) and then making the insinuation that there was a hidden agenda, well that was hurtful, mean, twisted – and unexpected.
I learned a lot going through that experience, but I’m angry about it. Shouldn’t have happened. I was hurt and embarrassed, too. I’ve never been anything but direct and genuine with anyone on this journey. After so many years of being a teacher, it is my habit to ALWAYS act from my heart – from a loving, grateful place. That’s how I connect with my kids and motivate them to do hard stuff. This adventure of mine was nothing but fun and exciting until this happened. But I am fine. I am strong. I’ve been waiting for today to put it in a little box and store it away. Dec 31, 2011 is the symbolic end of it. It’s done. I will not revisit this chapter again until I literally write this chapter in my book.
However, the last two months of 2011 have been wonderful. I’m VERY grateful that so many angels were sent in to lift me back up. Perhaps this is exactly how things were meant to unfold. It will become fun and exciting again.