First of many times I’ll ask myself, "Did I do enough?"

It’s been a bumpy ride, to say the least, during the last three months – no last four months, really, if I’m going to be honest.  I started to lose my focus in July.  Reasons for that aren’t really important – there will always be challenges.  Bodybuilding has a huge a mental component and I’m new at this – very new.  I’m also dealing with being way too busy, a little too much stress, and a little biological thing called menopause.  I haven’t learned how to navigate around all the turbulence yet.

But I think I’m learning.  I am doing a pretty good job of being focused while lifting.  It’s the rest of the day that is a challenge.  That’s when the stress builds.

Tomorrow morning I find out if I got myself back on track.

Over a month ago, I was offered something that was more than I asked for, more than I thought I could afford, but the argument made to do it was compelling.  I got excited.  I figured out a way to pay for it.  And then it fell apart.  But many good things came into my life because that happened they way it did.  One of the good things is that I’ve got a few extra dollars and can afford a new DEXA scan to measure my body fat percentage.  That happens tomorrow.  I’m excited.  And nervous.  It’s a deadline and I like setting and hitting goals.

But this check is a big one.  Like I said, the road has been bumpy.  Mistakes have been made.  I hope I discovered the errors fast enough to make corrections in time.  If this check goes well, I know I’m on track.  If it doesn’t go well, that’s OK, too.  I’ll be disappointed, but I’ll regroup and rethink all components of my program.  I have people who have offered to help if necessary.

No matter how things turn out, I’m taking the next two days off from my program.  The bugg is coming off.  No food logging.  No calorie burns.  No workouts.  I need this break.  I need a mental rest as much as a physical one.  I’ll eat, not binge, but eat a lot more than I’ve been eating the last three weeks.  And I’ll start taking creatine again tomorrow.  I’ve missed my creatine!!!  Two days of rest, food, and creatine!  Next week’s lifting should be awesome.

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